How we ask determines how we receive feedback

At dinner last week, my husband and I were asked what seems to be a very common question at restaurants lately: “Is everything tasting wonderful?” While I love their commitment to high expectations, being asked this way leaves me feeling a little pressured to give an agreeable, supportive response regardless of my experience. How we ask for feedback and the words we choose make a big difference. To build successful organizations with a thriving workforce, a feedback culture is foundational. When employees know where they stand and what they need to focus on to improve, they have clarity and direction. Without it, confusion and questions can breed insecurity and lower motivation. Done well, feedback builds trust, transparency, sharpens self-awareness and creates happier teams.

Most workplaces aren’t there, yet. Gallup research shows only one in four employees strongly agrees to receiving valuable feedback, yet those who do are five times as likely to be engaged and 48% less likely to be looking for another job. So, what prevents us from giving feedback? Honest conversations are uncomfortable, we worry about hurting others, and many of us never learned how to do it well. Gallup’s 2025 State of the Global Workplace report found only 44% of managers have received any management training. The good news is that giving and receiving feedback are skills you can learn and practice. Here are some ways to get started:

Giving feedback: candor and care Researcher Brené Brown puts it simply: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Share information specific enough to act on, rather than generic language that leaves the person wondering how to improve. One simple tool from the Center for Creative Leadership is SBI: Situation, Behavior, Impact. • Situation: Name when and where it happened. “During yesterday’s client call…”

• Behavior: Describe only what you observed. “…you interrupted the client twice before they finished their point…” • Impact: Share the effect. “…and they seemed hesitant to keep talking after that.” Then pause, ask for their perspective, and finish with a “next time” conversation that clearly states what you expect. SBI works just as well for praise. Telling someone exactly what they did well makes it far more likely they’ll do it again. Watch your words, too. “Always,” “never,” “everyone knows,” and “it’s obvious that” put people on the defensive. They’ll likely focus on proving the exaggeration wrong rather than listening to constructive criticism. Phrases such as “I noticed…” and “I’d like to understand…” reflect openness and interest in their perspective. And once you’ve said your part, allow some silence. People need space to think.

Asking for feedback: specific and open To build a feedback culture, normalize it and practice it often. Over time, entire teams will expect and value it. It stings less, too, and you will grow from what you learn. Consider also that how you ask and engage determines what you receive. Ask for specifics. “Any feedback for me?” usually invites a polite non-answer. “What’s one thing I could do differently next time?” invites something specific and usable. Listen to understand. Re-state what you heard to make sure you got it right. This also shows that you are open and interested in what they are sharing. Say thank you. Giving feedback takes courage. How you respond determines whether that person will ever do it again. Getting defensive will certainly assure they won’t. Be sure to ask the right person. Look for an invested critic: someone who will be honest, has your best interest in mind, and sees your work first-hand. A feedback culture isn’t built in a single performance review. It’s built in hundreds of small conversations where people feel safe enough to tell the truth and skilled enough to hear it. And if you really want meaningful, helpful feedback, ask objectively. I’d think again before assuming everything is wonderful.